Unlocking Your Sexual Potential: Insights from Linger Boutique's Shauna Stewart

Shauna Stewart: 00:00:00

Like, from me, my perspective, it felt like, because a lot of these traditional stores center male pleasure. And so women feel very objectified in sex in general, in our world in general and in those places. In a lot of those places. And like the law.

I remember going in when we were trying to shop for something. I'm like looking at the laundry. I'm like, never in a million years would I put that on my body. You know, it doesn't feel like me.

I'm a grown ass woman. I have two kids. I want to feel sexy and sex sexual, but I don't want to feel overly sexualized. Like, I want this to be for me.

And so that's when I got the idea. I turned to my husband.

It was just like, what if we turn that whole business model on its head and instead of a place that centers one more place that centers men's pleasure, we create a place, just a little nook in this world that centers women's pleasure in how they feel in their own. In their own bodies and in their own sexual experience.

Kayla Moore: 00:01:00

Welcome to her on Top.

I'm your host, Kayla Moore, a licensed sex therapist, and I'm here to create a space for you to feel normal, learn and reclaim your relationship to sex and intimacy. Each episode is going to be filled with us taking a deep dive into our bodies, our souls, and our oh so yummy sensuality.

I am bringing my expert knowledge on sex and relationships to help you experience embodied pleasure, satisfaction and connection. Guess what? Sex is for you and you deserve to get what you want. This is Her On Top.

As a disclaimer, these episodes are based off of my clinical knowledge, but as I am not your therapist, please take care with all that is discussed and talk to your own therapist or seek out a therapist if you are wanting to dive deeper into these topics for yourself.

Welcome, my lovelies, to the Her On Top podcast. I am Kayla, your host and sacred feminine sex therapist.

And today I am joined by my first co host, our first guest, Shauna Stewart, who is a local to our community. She is down in Olympia, Washington and owns her own business.

And I am going to be sharing with you someone that I really feel like could be a helpful person on your personal journey to reclaiming your relationship to sex and sexuality. So, Shauna, if you don't mind telling my listeners who you are and a little bit about you.

Shauna Stewart: 00:02:49

Absolutely. Thanks so much for having me here today, Kayla.

I really appreciate the invitation and to be your first guest and it's been just such a joy to get to know you. And what you're offering your community as well. So my name is Shauna. I'm the founder of Linger Boutique.

We're a lingerie and sexual wellness boutique in Olympia, Washington. I also host the podcast Life Turned Stories of Sexual Self Discovery in Midlife and Beyond.

And I'm a certified sex educator and I'm working on a certification to become a embodied intimacy and relationship coach.

And I just feel really passionate about helping women discover more about themselves and discover and access pleasure for themselves as well in a culture that has kind of conditioned us to believe that it's not for us. And it's been a real joy journey for me. We opened the business about three years ago and we've been slowly evolving and building on it ever since.

I've learned a lot about myself in the last few years and look forward to just more of all of it.

Kayla Moore: 00:04:01

That's so awesome. I have also really enjoyed getting to know you and all the different facets of what you are learning and growing in in your business.

So I'm excited to learn more about just all that you do and kind of your mission today. Thank you.

I thought it would be fun to start out a little bit with a check in and this is something that I have a lot of my clients do, especially my couples with each other. And I'm going to make it a little bit short today. So there's five different realms that we'll check in about and I will do it along with you as well.

And usually you could say as much as you want, but I'm going to embrace the brief today and have us do like one word or even like a phrase, but just kind of encapsulate where you're at in that specific realm with one word or one phrase. So we're going to do mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and then sexually.

Shauna Stewart: 00:05:12

Okay.

Kayla Moore: 00:05:14

And if you have any questions around any one of those, you can definitely ask. But where do you feel like you're at mentally today? What do you feel like has been on your mind this week?

And yeah, where is that for you in this moment?

Shauna Stewart: 00:05:29

Yeah, I think mentally I'm downshifting. I've just came out of a pretty busy season. September and October.

We're pretty jam packed with lots of fun things that I loved, but I like to keep the pace of life just a little bit slower so I have more bandwidth and white space in my life. So I'm just kind of in a season of downshifting just a smidge into my regular pace of life.

Kayla Moore: 00:05:55

Yeah, absolutely. What about emotionally where do you feel like you're at in the emotional space?

Shauna Stewart: 00:06:02

Ooh.

I have actually been really sinking into rage lately, and I just was, like, unpacking a lot of things last night with my husband in a big conversation and really just appreciated him being the mountain, so I could rage and storm about some different things that I'm just mad about and processing. So.

Kayla Moore: 00:06:27

Yeah.

Shauna Stewart: 00:06:28

Yeah.

Kayla Moore: 00:06:28

I think rage is one of those that women don't really allow themselves to feel where we don't have space to feel. So I love that you're giving yourself that time and space to feel.

Shauna Stewart: 00:06:40

Yeah, yeah. And I'm grateful that I have a partner who can hold it.

Kayla Moore: 00:06:45

Yeah.

Shauna Stewart: 00:06:46

And that I can feel safe in sharing it with him and that. Yeah, he's just holding it and letting me feel safe and processing it without it, without making more reasons to be rageful. I guess so. Yeah.

Kayla Moore: 00:07:04

Yeah, absolutely. Where is your body at? How do you feel physically today?

Shauna Stewart: 00:07:11

Oh, let me see. I feel bubbly today. I. Yeah, I feel kind of effervescent. Mornings are a good time for me, so I feel, like, alive and bubbly, probably in my body.

Kayla Moore: 00:07:31

Yeah, I love that. I love that.

Shauna Stewart: 00:07:33

Yeah.

Kayla Moore: 00:07:34

And the next one is spiritually, and I feel like some people have a hard time kind of understanding what that means or how to check in about that. But how do you feel? I guess if you have a spiritual practice, that could be easier. But how do you feel, like, connected in terms of.

To yourself, to kind of the world or environment around you, to a divine source, just in general? What does that spiritual connection feel like to you today?

Shauna Stewart: 00:08:01

Yeah, today, I think, like, curiosity and openness. I came out of a phase of life where I was very, like, rigid.

I knew and of everything, and now I have, and I've been unpacking that for the last several years.

And so I just feel like a little sponge right now when it comes to spirituality is like, just learning openness, feeling what that connection means to me, and just, like, wanting more. So curious and desirous for more.

Kayla Moore: 00:08:37

I love that. I love that. And the last one is sexuality or just in general. How are you feeling connected to sex in your life right now?

Shauna Stewart: 00:08:52

Yeah, I. This has been such a journey for me, and right now I feel really, like, simultaneously fulfilled and wanting more.

I think the word would be intensity. This word came up in a recent training, and it really, like, resonated with my whole body, is just like, this desire for intensity.

A lot of times in sex education and probably in sex therapy, we get to a point where we, like, Want novelty or we want more connection? And all this stuff.

And this word intensity really came through for me in terms of, like, how do I pull all the things that I want in my sexual life together?

And that was the word that really just like, sank in for me is just kind of like this pursuit of like this intense aliveness, intense connection, intense pleasure. Just that.

Kayla Moore: 00:09:49

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love that, too. Well, I will share some of mine so you don't feel like you did this on your own.

Shauna Stewart: 00:10:00

Okay, I'm curious. Yeah.

Kayla Moore: 00:10:03

And then we'll dive in more about you. So I think mentally had a lot of to dos on my mind this week and kind of trying to balance the.

Try not to breathe too much into feeling like I have so much to do and so little time and trying to just be. And linger in the soft and expansive spaces. But, yeah, a lot of to dos on the brain. Emotionally, today, I'm feeling very grateful.

I'm really excited that you're here. This is a big step for me to have my first guest on my podcast. So, yeah, I'm just really appreciative of this opportunity.

Physically feeling a little antsy. I feel like I need to get some energy out after this recording, for sure, get outside, get some sunshine, but otherwise pretty good.

Spiritually, I feel like I'm also in this kind of reconnection phase. I feel like I kind of lost my daily connection to spirituality for a while in the trenches of motherhood and having a sick kiddo and all the stuff.

And I'm really trying to get back to having a daily practice again and trying to bring spirituality back into just my daily routine. So I'm inviting that back into my life.

And then sexually, I feel you on, like, wanting to reconnect and raise the intensity that I'm also fulfilled, but would like to lean into that more and. Yeah, create more space and time for that. I think that's always a challenge as a mom of a toddler, but it's also really important.

So I'm excited to create more space and time for that. Yeah, yeah. My husband and my anniversary is coming up next weekend, so we're going to go away for a couple nights and that'll be really nice fun.

Shauna Stewart: 00:12:36

Good for you.

I was actually one of my trainings that I was doing was talking about how the impact of a weekend away is so much more valuable than even a weekly date night. Some people can get real. I mean, if weekly date nights are your thing, like, keep doing it and everything.

And also it can feel like checking a Box or just not enough time, like because you have to get the babysitter and you have to get to the restaurant, then you're interrupted trying to order your meal or you're watching a movie, so you're not really connecting. But the value of those weekends away, if you can do them quarterly or as often as you can, is so important because then like you're in a hotel.

Hotel sex is way better than home sex because there's no laundry haunting you and there's no schedule and somebody else is probably cooking for you. And just like the value of that time just to focus on each other is so good. So I'm glad you get a chance to get away. What a gift.

Kayla Moore: 00:13:33

Yes. Yeah, I completely agree. I love weekends away and I'm always into like, it's not enough time. Yeah, I, I would love a week away.

Um, but yes, the weekends away are so needed. And especially in this time, I feel like, you know, my husband and I are kind of just in the.

Managing everything and co parenting and just doing life. And so that is definitely our. They get away from home, from all responsibilities, get away from our child.

Even though we love him, we need that time to reconnect with each other. So I totally agree with that. Totally agree with that. Well, thank you for doing a check in with me and let's dive in a little bit more into you.

I know that I was also on Shawna's podcast and she and I talked a little bit about outside of our recording, your kind of journey into this work and what that looked like for you.

So if you're comfortable talking a little bit about how did you get to where you are and opening your own business around sexuality and pleasure, that would be awesome.

Shauna Stewart: 00:14:46

Yeah, thanks for that question and invitation to talk about that.

I, for my whole life was somebody who really valued achievement and productivity and being good and dotting my I's and crossing my T's and hitting bit like having big goals and achieving the big goals. And also what I was confused about during that time is like whenever I would achieve the goal, I always felt not how I expected to.

Like they were always anticlimactic, if you will. And anyway. But I kept pushing, pushing, pushing, living on adrenaline and cortisol.

Until: 2020

And of course: 2020

I have my own theories, but no diagnosis. And one night I was desperately scrolling through the Internet trying to find an answer to what was going on with me.

One of the things that I noticed was everything that doctors suspected I had. The root cause was stress. And then I, you know, I was experiencing this pain for nine months.

It started off with just like a little thumb cramp in my thumb that kind of felt what I would expect arthritis to feel like that spread to my whole body and was so painful that I had to have my husband change my clothes in the middle of the night because I was night sweating, walk me to the bathroom, had my water bottle away, like just. I was so desperate for pain relief, just freedom from this chronic suffering.

And I read in something this idea that pain was the an or sorry that pleasure was the anecdote to pain. And it blew my ever loving mind because I had always been taught and believed that pleasure was a distraction.

It was frivolous or it was going to cause pain. So sexual pleasure was going to cause unwanted pregnancy, sti or a broken heart if it wasn't done within a certain kind of way, in a certain box.

And then other pleasures.

Like I just thought I was in pleasure because of the adrenaline and cortisol and like I thought that like chasing dreams was fun and it was, there is fun in that like for sure.

But I thought things that would just that doing things for the pleasure of it was going to distract me from my goals, distract me from my responsibilities, just serve as one more, maybe even thing to do rather than something that can be very life giving. And so I sat with that for a while and decided like, well okay, nothing else is working so I guess I'll give this pleasure thing a shot.

And I started just prioritizing really platonic pleasures with my kids.

So just really soaking in the smiles on their faces and really like snuggling in when I was reading the book and being really present in the moment when we're reading stories together.

Um, I have a funny story where ice cream, like I started having these like really erotic fantasies around ice cream and it didn't make any sense for my body because I was in inflammation and sugar and dairy are highly inflammatory. But like I was like, there was like music in the background and like chocolate sauce drizzling from the ceiling with like sprinkles.

Like it was, it was like an erotic film but with ice cream. And I couldn't understand where this was coming from because I'm not a big ice cream person.

And I asked my daughter doctor if I could have ice cream and she's just like, you just need to eat. Cause I'd lost like £20 and on my frame. That was a lot in a very short amount of time.

So I like went and got ice cream and then I started feeling better. And it was the weirdest thing because it shouldn't have worked that way, but it was like the pleasure of, of eating it.

There was something in my body that was telling me that I, this is what I needed. And the pain went down, my hives went down when I would eat ice cream.

So I was like self medicating with vanilla ice cream and whipping cream for a few months and felt better. Eventually. I need.

I felt like I wanted to reclaim the more intimate parts of my relationship with my husband because he had been in caregiver role for so long, which like, I couldn't have made it through without him. And so grateful that he stepped into that role. And also like, I was like, I'm feeling better. We need to kind of transition this relationship.

Also I should say during that time, like I spent a lot of time in the bath. I decided, and I think this is so important, important. But like I made the decision that I wanted ex an extraordinary like, skill.

Skin tingling, toe curling sex life. Like I just, and I just decided that that was important to me and that had not been something that I prioritized before.

Sex was fine, managed to make some babies, you know, but it wasn't like something that was lighting me up.

And I'm like, what would it be like to have a sex life that would like, I would look forward to and that like the connection felt so like the word earlier. Like just intense and alive and powerful. And how would that feel to me? How would that feel with my partner and so forth.

So anyway, one thing led to another. We started prioritizing it more in our lives. Rearranged our bedroom, got some toys. Just trying to kind of figure out how to make it work.

Especially like, I should also note, like, I was somebody who at one point would blush so terribly when he would use the words moan and moist and like feeling rage when he would say those things because I felt so embarrassed by those words and so much shame around it. And so anyway, we were on the road to a wine tasting weekend for his Birthday. We were trapped in traffic on Interstate 5.

I noticed the three traditional strip mall sex shops. My former economic brain got thinking about the business model. And then I thought about, like, why don't I like shopping at places like that?

And I think, like, the thought process went from like, there is. There are things on the other side of those doors that could give my body pleasure. They shouldn't be shameful.

Why does the shopping experience feel icky? And it was like, from me, my perspective, it felt like, because a lot of these traditional stores centered male pleasure.

And so women feel very objectified in sex in general, in our world in general, and in those places. In a lot of those places. And like the law. I remember going in when we were trying to shop for something. I'm like, looking at the laundry.

I'm like, never in a million years would I put that on my body. You know, it doesn't feel like me. I'm a grown ass woman. I have two kids.

I want to feel sexy and sex sexual, but I don't want to feel overly sexualized. Like, I want this to be for me. And so that's when I got the idea. I turned to my husband.

I was just like, what if we turn that whole business model on its head and instead of a place that centers one more place that centers men's pleasure, we create a place, just a little nook in this world that centers women's pleasure in how they feel in their own. In their own bodies and in their own sexual experiences. So we talked about it all weekend, and two weeks later, we had a business license.

I had a business license. I need to get used to saying that. And then three months later, we opened online. So that's our story. Yeah.

Kayla Moore: 00:23:21

It's truly amazing. And you and I actually have a lot in common that I think.

at the same timing, in early: 2020

Shauna Stewart: 00:23:44

Wow.

Kayla Moore: 00:23:46

So it's just. And I've heard this from so many women that go through these wild medical issues that nobody can figure out.

And I don't know about how you felt, but it felt maddening to, oh, yeah, go to doctor after doctor after doctor, or visit after visit and have them be like, sorry, we just don't know what's wrong with you.

Shauna Stewart: 00:24:13

Yeah.

Kayla Moore: 00:24:13

And it was the hardest thing to go through. And I'm so glad that you kind of took it into your own hands and Found ways that worked. And it's.

It is crazy that, like, ice cream was something that was so beneficial for you, but how cool to find healing in pleasure, I would have thought, you know. Yeah.

And then to create something out of that, that now you're not only continuing to help yourself, but are also now helping a community and, you know, just a legacy of hopefully women being able to access that part of themselves in a way that, again, like you said, is not for men, not through the male gaze, but is for them. And that's so powerful. Yeah, I love that.

Shauna Stewart: 00:25:10

Thanks.

Kayla Moore: 00:25:11

And so what has the journey been for you since you've opened? How has it kind of evolved over time? And what do you feel like you've learned along the way so far?

Shauna Stewart: 00:25:24

Oh, my gosh, that's such a big question. Something I've been thinking about a lot because this is kind of our third year anniversary month, if you will.

And, you know, when I first opened the brick and mortar, well, I should back up. We started off online and we were doing pop ups and I remember doing my very first guest podcast.

And like, I was a former nonprofit CEO, so I was very good at, like, having talking points and being able to communicate a message. Like, I went in with my key messages and I was going to talk about those and like, be very professional.

And you could hear me blushing on the other side of this podcast where you have no visuals. Like, you could just hear it in my voice. Like, I was trying so hard to pretend I was so confident. I just wasn't.

And now it just all is just in my body and in my blood. Right. So I just think, like, my comfort level thinking about, talking about being about sex has just radically transformed.

I've learned so much about myself personally and about my relationship with my husband. So through hosting workshops at the shop and then also working through my certification.

And then, I mean, I just like, consume sex content all the time. Like, I'm reading books, I'm listening to podcasts. It is just like constantly at me.

And I feel like, you know, prior to this world, I was in a more professional world. I've taken lots of personality tests.

I've taken lots of, like, professional tests, and none of them have landed as much with me as the ones that have to do with sex and sexuality. Because I think, like, our sexuality is so linked to our life force, energy and life, and we can try to separate them, but not really. Like, they're.

They're so integrated. They're one of the, it's the same energies. One of the Same. And so, like, the more I've learned about sex, the more I've learned about myself.

Um, I think one of the things is I always wanted to be the good girl. Like, I was always that people pleaser, perfectionist.

Growing up, following all the rules, I would walk into a room and like, scan, like, figure out who I needed to be in that room or even with friendships, who did I need to be in this friendship to be this person's friend rather than figuring out what it was I needed or who I was in general. And so, like, this good girl, like, I grew up. So I grew up in the church. My husband grew up in the ld. Sorry. I grew up in the Christian church.

My husband grew up in the LDS church. We got together, so I had all these assumptions about what he wanted and expected of a wife and partner.

And I always kind of had this, like, darker side to me that I kind of, like, would try to, like, shove away or ignore. And I think, like, the more I've explored, like, the taboo, the more alive I felt. And.

And then I guess it makes sense that I would open a sexual wellness business in a taboo industry, you know? So, yeah, like, I. I joke that we used to listen to Nora Jones when it would be sexy times. And nothing against Nora Jones.

Like, if she's your vibe, I love that for you, this is about me. But, like, you would see these, like, cute heroines and rom coms, and they were always so sweet and sex always looked a certain way.

And so I'm like, okay, let's like, light the candles and put on Nora Jones music and have this, like, soft, sensual experience. But then I hated it because the soft, sensual touch actually feels like heebie jeebies to my body and my skin. And.

And so then, you know, like, we took a, like, the erotic Blueprints quiz. He learned about himself, I learned about myself. And all of a sudden it was just like, click, click, click, click, click, click, click.

11 years of marriage made sense because we, like, not only everyone says, like, oh, you have to communicate, but, like, if you don't know what to communicate, it's not. It's not helpful.

And so really, like, it has to start with yourself and learning about yourself, what you like, what you don't like, what your body wants, who you. And then, like, owning and embracing that without judgment.

And so, yeah, like, exploring more of the taboo things, exploring energy and how important energy is to the overall experience. Like, it's not just going through the motions for us.

It's about how we're Showing up as our individual selves, whole selves, and then being able to share that with each other.

So I feel, like, a lot more confident in who I am and asking for what I want and then being available for also, like, what my husband and partner wants as a result as well, so.

Kayla Moore: 00:30:37

Yeah. Yeah.

Shauna Stewart: 00:30:39

Yeah.

Kayla Moore: 00:30:40

Well, I love this because I brought you on here to talk about your business, but I feel like your journey is so much of what I'm really trying to help other women get to for themselves as well. I. All the. Or all the elements that you are talking about, I work with people on.

And so that's so cool that you have found all these pieces for yourself that probably felt really distant or not even existent at one point in time. Sounds like you feel more whole and more alive.

Shauna Stewart: 00:31:18

Yeah. Yeah. Well.

And even now, like, when I walk into a room, going back to that, like, I've been to some big events, I flew all the way out to New York City for an event where I knew absolutely nobody, and I just, like, walked in and I was just like, as me, and I just felt connected and. And safe and free.

And it's an enormously different experience to walk through the world as yourself than trying to figure out who you're supposed to be all the time. And I think that, like, if you can fit. I say this a lot, but, like, what.

The work that you do on the experience in the bedroom just, like, feeds into everything else in life. You walk differently in the world.

You can have different negotiation, conversations and the boardroom because you now know how to do it in the most vulnerable, most intimate space in the bedroom. Yeah. Knowing what it is you want and need.

And also just like, again, like, that decision to claim it for yourself, I think that that's the starting point is just deciding that it's important for you.

Not because your partner wants it, not because it's good for your relationship, not because it's like checking a box, but because it's like, this is a. It's your birthright. It's a gift for you.

It's how, like, you can be fueled in every other aspect of life that feels like it's just sucking and draining from you. This kind of energy can pour out differently into those spaces.

Kayla Moore: 00:32:56

So. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. And I also love that even though you made that decision, it still wasn't easy in the beginning.

No, it was very scary still. And you were kind of in this place of, like, I'm in the place and I'm doing the motions, but I still, in my body, feel A little unsure about this.

And that is one of the reasons that I made this podcast too, is because I think, again, like you said, when we come from backgrounds where sex is told to us that it's gross, it's icky, it's dirty, it's, you know, going to lead to bad consequences like STIs or pregnancy, and those are bad things to have that it's hard to then step into a realm where you're getting sex positive messages and that feeling comfortable. And so there's kind of this normalization process that we have to go through.

And I think, like you said, taking in a lot of more positive messaging around sex through books, through media, through podcasts, through meeting people like yourself that are in that space already can be really helpful. So I also really enjoy that part about your story of that it was a journey for you. It didn't just happen overnight.

And I think that's really important for people to know.

Shauna Stewart: 00:34:27

Yeah, well, and it still is.

And I think that that's what's so exciting about, to me about the world of sexuality is like, we're always in a season and our bodies are always changing, lifestyles are always changing, and then there's just so fricking much out there, you know, if you open yourself up.

So it's like, I've come so far in three years, and also I'm like, gosh, if I've transformed this much in three years, what's another three years going to look like? And I can like, see that as like a, like a.

Not a goal, but just like a exciting energy of like, ooh, what do we get to look forward to individually, together, and what do we get to explore? But not like, oh, there's this gaping hole that we're trying to fill. It's just like, oh, where can we go next? And it's very fun.

Kayla Moore: 00:35:19

So, yeah, absolutely.

When I love learning all this about you because I am very much a person that I champion other people, not necessarily just a business for what it is, but I really am wanting to make connections with mostly other women owned businesses for who you are and who you stand for, what your values are, as well as what you're offering in your business. Because I think being a business owner myself, they're almost one in the same.

Entrepreneurship is so much about who you are, not just about, you know, the product itself. So I love learning about all of who you are and what the journey has been.

And I want to center it a little bit more now on, like, what is your boutique like?

If somebody was to, you know, look you up on the Internet or come into your boutique, what would that experience be like for them and what are you hoping to provide for them in your business currently?

Shauna Stewart: 00:36:22

Yeah, so that's a great question. Thank you so much for the opportunity to talk about that. The our brand feels like to me like pralines and cream ice cream.

It's like vanilla with some like nuts and sweetness and you know, a little spice, like all kind of blended in. Everyone's going to have a different experience with what we're putting out there. We try to be really, really approachable, warm.

Our boutique feels like walking into like a nice clothing boutique. We have really beautiful lingerie. We have sexual wellness products that somebody the other day just described as like the bougier.

Like they're just like discreet. They're discreet. They're not necessarily more expensive. They are high quality.

We try to prioritize female founded brands, ethically produced brands, things that are more sustainable because we don't need one more thing to worry about in this world as like who's making our product.

We offer bra fittings, we, which I actually love because I've converted so many people from hating bras to just like now they come back all the time because I just want more of them. Because when you find stuff that fits and feels good, it's everything.

Kayla Moore: 00:37:52

Yeah.

Shauna Stewart: 00:37:53

And then we have our sexual wellness corner. And then what I call the spice cabinet. So it's my grandmother's antique bureau. And so in there we have more kink oriented items.

Sometimes we'll display like a little like flogger or paddle. My husband actually makes like our wooden paddles which are gorgeous.

Kayla Moore: 00:38:14

Wow.

Shauna Stewart: 00:38:14

But yeah, just it's like an, it's just an invitation to explore. And we have people of all ages, like all the way up to 70 years old, buying their first time vibrators ever in their life.

And sometimes there are people who will come and spend thousands of dollars with us on sleepwear, you know, pajamas and robes. And then, you know, then they're finally putting like a little thing kind of like throwing it on, not making eye contact.

But at least they, they got it, you know. But we try to, yeah, just create a really warm, approachable, women centered experience.

We offer date nights at our shop, which I absolutely love these because it's an opportunity for a couple to come in after hours and have the whole shop to themselves so they get privacy. We usually start with lingerie try ons so she can choose things that feel really good on her and make her look really good.

And it's just fun to like watch the transfer or watch and hear the transformation happening in the dressing room. And then I will set up a sensory bar and we'll talk about different ways to engage the five senses through play.

And that helps a build in novelty and new things that you can try together so you can get some new ideas.

But I also build in things like consent and communication tips because oftentimes we can walk into a place and sure, we might like mechanically know how to use something like turn it on or charge it, but we don't know how to put it on our bodies in a way that's not going to be overstimulating or that it's going to feel good or feel safe.

And so talking about, yeah, ways to be able to use something in multiple different ways that feel good, help you create the right environment to experiment and try new things without so much pressure.

And people love them, like everyone, Every single couple that I've helped, they both, like, both parties learn something about themselves and they learn something about their relationship and then they have food for conversation for weeks, you know, and so much just like, I don't like to call it homework, but like work that they can do, fun that they can have when they go home afterwards.

Kayla Moore: 00:40:47

So that is so cool. I think I myself would love to be part of that. That sounds like a great date night to me.

Shauna Stewart: 00:40:58

Yeah.

Kayla Moore: 00:40:59

And I just, I love the attention to detail that you have in all of this and really helping curate again a journey for people to go on that there's no kind of like you have to fit into this box. It's just whatever feels comfortable to you and you're meeting people where they're at and I think that's so beautiful.

So I love all of what you are offering.

Shauna Stewart: 00:41:26

Thanks.

Kayla Moore: 00:41:27

Yes, I would love to do a date night.

Shauna Stewart: 00:41:30

Yeah, they really. Yeah, they really are fun. And then I will be opening up coaching, one on one coaching or couples coaching in the next few months.

And then I also have a retreat that I just launched in Italy in May and this is a women's retreat and it's going to be focused on the idea of receiving because it's like the number one thing I see in my shop every day.

You know, like, people have to make the decision to allow themselves to receive before they can enjoy anything in our shop and whether or not they walk out with it, like if they haven't decided or know how to actually receive pleasure. So I'm going to do much for, you know, so but we're constantly in these giving roles in our culture, in and out of the bedroom.

Oftentimes, sexually, we feel like sex is taken from us or done to us, and we are playing kind of this, like, maybe a more passive role or, well, a lot of different roles, and. But we can't receive it because we feel like we have to be, you know, following Cosmo's top 10 tips on how to place our partner better.

Kayla Moore: 00:42:50

Right.

Shauna Stewart: 00:42:50

And. And then when our partners want to do something kind for us, we worry about that we're taking too long.

We worry about how we look, our performance, what kind of sounds we're making, you know, all the things.

And so this retreat is five nights where we're going to take you out of all of your responsibilities, out of the giver role, and we are going to take care of you with beautiful meals, luxury accommodations in the peaceful hills of the Chianti Hill foothills in Tuscany, and then do some embodiment practices and pleasure workshops that help you understand your body's yeses and nosy, help you uncover your own desires, and help you truly receive in a really meaningful and pure way for you.

So that's another thing that I'm very excited about because it just pulls together so many of the challenges that we have as women, from the pleasing, the perfectionism, the being in our heads, and, yeah, it's going to be very fun.

Kayla Moore: 00:44:03

That's beautiful. And are there still spots available for that?

Shauna Stewart: 00:44:06

There are a few spots available, yeah.

Kayla Moore: 00:44:08

Okay. Okay. So, yeah, lots of things that you have on your plate, which is great. You've grown a lot in three years, which is so cool.

Shauna Stewart: 00:44:20

Yeah, it's been a lot of fun. Big journey.

I come from the travel industry, and one of the things that I think is true in travel and true in sex is that it really is like the journey. And also that anticipation is so much a part of the joy and pleasure of it all as well.

So it's like the thinking about it, the talking about it, can just be just as enjoyable as the doing it itself.

Kayla Moore: 00:44:50

So, yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

Well, I'm kind of feeling like my work is definitely helping people get through these really stuck points and going through a lot of the journey that you've been on of, again, reclaiming their relationship to sex, to themselves, to saying yes to pleasure, to being able to receive.

And I feel like your business is kind of taking a lot of that internal and relational work and then making it tangible, like giving people things that they can actually use and.

Or, you know, bringing that experience into a More experiential space where they can feel things and touch things and put things on and see, like, how does this feel for me? But it sounds like you're also kind of expanding into helping people along that journey as well. And that's really.

I'm just so, again, grateful to have met you and feel like we can collaborate in this way.

And I really hope that anyone that listens to me is willing and able to go to your shop someday or at least take a look at all the things that you have online, because I think it's really. It's such a sweet and needed space in our culture. For sure.

Shauna Stewart: 00:46:13

Thank you.

Kayla Moore: 00:46:14

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Shauna Stewart: 00:46:16

I think if I could just add one more thing is that, you know, you and I met through sacred feminine group, and one of the things that I really took away from that space was during one of the ceremonies where there was this conversation about how we as women can often be pigeonholed and we get to play one role.

Like, we either get to be the really good, nurturing mother, or we can be the seductive sex vixen, or we can be really powerful in the workforce, or we, you know, but you. But if you are sexual, you can't be a good mom, right? And if you are sexual, you certainly can't be good in the workplace.

And, you know, and if you're sexual, you're only going to be, like, used. Because the only way we can view a woman's sexuality is through this lens of the male gaze or this objectification.

Kayla Moore: 00:47:15

Right.

Shauna Stewart: 00:47:15

And so I think, like, what's. What was so helpful to me is this, like, permission that we get to be all of it.

Like, we can be nurturing and sensual or sexual, whatever word you want to use, and powerful in the world or the workplace. We can be all. We can hold all of that. We have capacity for all of that. And being one doesn't take away from being the other.

Of course, there's all the time constraints of all the to do list that comes with things, but that's different than just like, holding, holding the energy and capacity for all of those things. Like, we don't have to sacrifice our sexuality to be a good mom or a sexuality to be a good contributor in the workplace. So.

Kayla Moore: 00:48:04

Absolutely, absolutely. I wholeheartedly agree, and I love that about the sacred feminine, that we actually look at the 13 different archetypes of goddesses.

And I think it helps us play into a lot of those different aspects of ourselves and know that, you know, we all have all these different aspects of ourselves in various different capacities.

And yeah, it really helps us know that, you know, we are whole integrated enough people that can live into all these different spaces and, you know, either like archetypes or just pieces of ourselves, depending on how you want to think about it.

But it's all integrated into who we are and we all just have like different flavors of it depending on your personality and how you want to show up in the world. So, um, yeah, I love that. I love that we're integrating it and deconstructing what society has told us is just the little box that we get.

Shauna Stewart: 00:49:15

Right, right. And I think that that's something that. Going back to my feelings of rage is that. Is that.

I think that that is an important part of the pleasure journey. Yeah. Is like you cannot learn what is pleasing to you without being feeling deeply rageful about what has been robbed from you.

Kayla Moore: 00:49:38

Absolutely.

Shauna Stewart: 00:49:39

For your entire life. I mean, maybe you can. I've just not met anybody who has yet.

I met recently at a conference some women up in Canada who led like a women's self discovery journey. And yeah, like at the end of that, like, they were all just so mad. Just so mad.

And I think we, we need holy sacred space for the rage and that, that is an important part to embrace. If we're going to embrace pleasure, we have to embrace the rage. And both can actually be experienced at the same time in a really beautiful way. So.

Kayla Moore: 00:50:18

Absolutely.

And I would add to that, I think with rage tends to come grief and they're kind of almost one in the same that it's like we have the anger on top, but then we have the hurt underneath. Yes. And I've had that in so many of the women that I've worked with.

Where, you know, we kind of start in this place where they're really timid and really scared and we start to get into some of these things.

And like you said, it's like once we kind of like open the veil a little bit or drop the veil and peer into what has been done throughout their lives and where they want to go, there's kind of this moment of like you said, of rage, but then also grief around, like all things that I've lost over this amount of time. And for some women, I mean, they're coming to me like decades into feeling like sex is not for them. And so it's.

It's a grief period too, of feeling like I could have been experiencing all these things for so much longer. And I really want to also, like, hold that. It's okay that we're here in the now.

And that there, you know, hopefully is plenty of time for you to still experience that. But it's hard. It's hard to come to that realization for sure. So I definitely think. Oh, sorry.

Shauna Stewart: 00:51:45

Nope. I was just gonna say. I'm so glad you're saying this. So continue.

Kayla Moore: 00:51:48

Yeah, I was just gonna say that I do think having these sacred spaces, or, you know, spaces like in your shop or in my office, where people can feel those feelings, women can feel those feelings, those.

The complexity of those feelings, and work through them so that they can get to a place where it's like, okay, I can hold that and also hold the fact that I want to step into this place of pleasure for myself. And I'm like, you're saying I'm going to allow myself to receive it.

Shauna Stewart: 00:52:19

Mm, yeah. Yeah. The grief thing is so real.

And I think that that's one of the things that, like, getting into our bodies can be so helpful in is being able to experience the. This full range of emotions. Cause I think, like, for me, that's one of the.

Ben, one of the biggest gifts of tapping into my sexuality is tapping into a fuller range of experiences and emotions that I just didn't have access to before. And, yeah, I'm really grateful for that. So.

Kayla Moore: 00:52:55

Absolutely. Well, I think we'll kind of wrap up because we're getting close to time.

So if you want to kind of hit your marketing points of where can people find you? How. Yeah, how would you like them to reach out to you or find you and get into all that Shauna Stewart has to offer?

Shauna Stewart: 00:53:21

Yeah.

So our landing page, I guess, for everything, is lingerboutique.com and so you can access our online store, find out where we're located, find out more about the retreat. I love spending time on social and connecting people with in our DMs.

So I have three Instagram accounts because of shadow bands, but so I have Linger U. This is for more sexual wellness and education. I have Linger btq, which is more centered around the lingerie and sleepwear.

And then Life turned on podcast, where you can find my podcast all on Instagram.

Kayla Moore: 00:54:01

Yeah. And we didn't really talk too much about your podcast.

Is there anything that you want to say quickly about kind of what your podcast does and how it fits into the whole, like, ecosystem that you've created?

Shauna Stewart: 00:54:13

Yeah. So it's Life turned on stories of sexual self discovery in midlife and beyond.

And I think it is, like, kind of what you were saying with the grief piece. Right. Like, we're kind of told, like, I could have been doing this for all this time.

And we're told that our sexuality is for the young and the beautiful. And I think, like, once we get to this midlife point, we start becoming more invisible in society. We are less sexualized, which is lovely.

But then also we stop being like, it's just like, ew, you're old, you're not supposed to want that or whatever. Like, we just have these gross messages out there.

And so, you know, the podcast is to debunk that and just to talk, have conversations about women's journeys. Like, I shared my journey, other women share their journeys. They're all so different. And yet there's like these threads of commonalities.

So if you don't have a friend that you feel like you can talk to, plugging into the podcast can feel like that. And then I also think the gift of the podcast is that it gives a lot of conversation starters and inspires conversations in real life. So you can.

It's an easy opening to be like, hey, I was listening to this podcast and what do you think about this? And just like the feedback on conversations that I've heard, people have gotten in big debates about things that we've talked about.

People have gone deeper in their relationships or in their own internal journeys. And so that's been really fun.

This season, specifically season three, we're focusing on the themes of sex, money and power and how these forces impact our sexual self discovery journeys. And I think that that's been really interesting because we kind of view these things as taboo subjects.

And also they have a lot of that, like, toxic masculine energy in our culture that can result in a lot of oppression, abuse, you know, a lot of negative things. So we don't even want to, even if we could talk about it, maybe we don't want to talk about it because we may associate them with bad things.

And so we're just exploring those themes through a more nuanced and feminine lens and getting into the nooks and crannies of those themes and how by claiming our own stories within those realms, we can navigate the world differently and our lives differently.

Kayla Moore: 00:56:43

So beautiful. Well, thank you so much for joining me today. I so appreciate you. I am so looking forward to also diving more into all that you have to offer.

For myself, I still would love to do that date night at your shop. And I definitely need to come see your shop in person anyway, so I just really appreciate you being here and getting to know you more.

And for all of you listening still. You can also find me at Reclaiming Stories Therapy.

If you want to schedule a free consultation with me, I would be more than happy to chat with you about what you're going through and how we can work together. You can also find me at Herontop Pod on Instagram or Reclaiming Stories Therapy.

And as always, I would just love for everybody to come back and listen to the next episode. So thank you so much. Take care everyone, and I'll see you next time.